Weathering the Storm By the Spirit
By Fred Pruitt
(This is a short exchange in the public comments section on my blog. The reader was responding to The Normal Human Life 2014.)
Dear Fred. Thank you so much for these awesome revelations. It’s over a month now since I last contacted. But read most days these wonderful posts. For 30 + years I had lived in great great fear after an initial encounter with Christ ( an awesome experience of presence and love ) I was left devastated by nothingness abandonment it was only a few days of bliss but something I could never forget. My initial words were. “If thy mother or father forsake thee I will take thee up.” And at the end of those few days. “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” They charged through Me like lightning.
All these years I have only clung on by my eyelashes or so I thought. I really thought I had done wrong so God left me ( there was plenty of proof to show why he could. Behaviour modification has been my life and all th he selfish self stuff. Dare I tell you i was soooo afraid,of God so unsure of my salvation asking all the time for Jesus to come back into my life.
Friends tried to help But I was convinced God’s spirit couldn’t be with me. I must have prayed the sinners prayer every day. I was sure there was not a thought word or deed of mine God could like. I despised myself.
I had the encounter through NO merit of my own and many others said I should start afresh be baptised ( I was baptised as a child Catholic ). Your teachings have given me hope and peace ( though a word or thought can still cause a fearful reaction ) I can start to trust my heart more now that it’s His that He was true to his word though I couldn’t believe it for all the lies and legalism I held.
Am sure the spirit said my first words meant ADOPTION the other day. I can start to believe my years aren’t a waste though I may have hurt myself and others through TRYING to be like Christ ( he’s learnt me NO way! ) My family circumstances are very difficult (addicted way ward autistic son) family health problems. But I am one with Christ and He is my life !!! THANK you for being here for me and all of my brothers and sisters who you are listening (sorry this turned into an essay Fred ) Keep on God bless you and please keep in touch XXX.
Thank you for writing and sharing yourself. You are no different from thousands of others, in experiencing all those hardships and believing God may have abandoned you.
I went through something like that a long time ago, and it was through that awful negative, afraid God had cast me out (thoughts given to me by the ministry I had been part of for years), and I know exactly what you mean about hanging on by your eyelashes. My description of that time for me was as if I was on a ship battling a mighty storm, hurricane force winds whipping across the deck, and I’m doing all I can muster just to try to hold onto the mast to keep from washing overboard.
At the same time, I was so afraid of the devil, and so tempted to think God was punishing me for leaving the group we were with, and that I was out of His will, which meant according to that church’s teaching, I was also no longer “saved.” So I was in TERROR literally for months! When I couldn’t find our children one time (they were all little), the thought came that God had killed them in His anger toward me.
The ONLY thing I could hang onto was a scripture the Lord gave me in the midst of all that, and it became my only lifeboat. It was Ps 73:24-26. “Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory. 25 Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee. 26 My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.”
The words “Thou shalt” thundered in my inner being, and in a brief flash I saw what I would later know as grace which led to union, because for the first time I saw that HE WAS THE ONE who would order my life, and “afterward receive me to glory.” The onus of the responsibility was on HIM, not me! I saw it! That’s the first big key!
But interestingly, after I had that “flash”, the storm came back and raged another couple of months, and that scripture was all I had to keep me sane, even though terrible voices told me horrible things for a while. One of my “issues” was to know the leading of the Spirit, rather than “the flesh” or “the devil.” I came to the conclusion it was not in “me” to know it, but I could trust Him in me to know it and keep me on the path, which at that time in my thinking seemed like a minefield, which would blow you up if you took one wrong step. But the Spirit held me up and brought me all the way through to the other side, and it was coming to an understanding and a faith that “It is no longer I who live, but Christ Who lives in me.”
When I arrived there, the storm stopped, and my conscious “union life” began. That was 1980. It’s been uphill ever since, though not without more “stuff” to get through, and that one scripture that opens with “Thou shalt” is still what gets me through the day.
Arise! Thy Light IS come, and it IS come in you. Right now — today! It may not “feel” like it, but it is the truth and the truth about you!